25 Days...and Counting

Anse-a-Pitre, Haiti : May 2013

In 25 days, I'll be headed back to Haiti and the DR for about 10 days. When I look back at the last 18 months of my life, I stand amazed. What I believed to be a "bucket list" kind of adventure to Haiti has turned my world upside down.

My heart has been broken for a tiny island in the Caribbean that 3 1/2 years ago, I very likely could not have found on a map without some serious searching. I own a sewing machine that has only sewn school kit bags because there was a chance that those bags might end up in the hands of Haitian children. I have learned more about the creation of sustainable income streams and building clean water wells than I ever dreamed possible for this non-math, non-science minded girl. And I have changed my entire career path to answer a call to do something - however small it may feel - to make lives better and share the love of Jesus Christ in this little part of the world.

Wow. Who knew? 

God did.

I have, on several occasions lately, played the "what if" game. My faith is so weak, despite the overwhelming blessings God pours out on me, and I have a tendency to second-guess decisions...often. 

• What if I hadn't gone to Haiti in June 2012? 
• What if I hadn't gone back in February when Tim Dortch, HMM Founder and Director, said about a million times, "Communication is 90% of what we do!"? 
• What if my sweet husband - at any point - had not been supportive? 
• What if my family and friends hadn't generously supported my trips and our entire team in May to make these trips financially possible?
• What if my fears had gotten the best of me?

Anse-a-Pitre, Haiti :
June 2012

There are so many pieces and parts that have been carefully orchestrated to bring me to being 25 days from my fourth trip to Haiti in 15 months (Note: I did not even have a passport until two years ago). It makes my head spin a little when I think about it...ok, a lot. 

But I don't believe in coincidence...I believe God has gone before me every step of this journey. I believe He has made situations that seemed impossible - possible. 

The biggest "what if" I have struggled with lately has been, "What if I had said "No, not me. Not now."? Then, of course, my mind wanders to all the times when I have said that. 

I am ashamed and so sad...the times are too numerous to count. And there are probably so many times I don't even realize I have missed.

I think I'd rather just count the days until I leave...