#AdoptionRocks, Part 7:...Even if the Answer is "No."

Oh, sweet readers! I cannot wait for you to dive into this post from my dear, precious friend Heather! Heather and I met 10 years ago on the Walk to Emmaus. She had just brought home her first child through adoption, and I was 5 months pregnant with our first child. I loved her kind spirit immediately! We have stayed in touch throughout the last decade and I am so grateful God continues to weave our paths together. To put it concisely: She is the real deal, y'all! Spend just a few minutes with her and you will see that her love for Jesus is not just lip-service. 

But I'm not going to waste your time with my words...just get started reading hers!

IN HER OWN WORDS....

There is a song being played frequently on a Christian radio station that we listen to called “My Story” by the group Big Daddy Weave. It alludes to the fact that we ALL have a story that God is writing called “your life.” What I hope you feel from this chapter in our life called “adoption” is the hope and grace of Jesus, how His love is greater than any heartache or struggle and how He is present in all circumstances.

Our story begins as a young, excited about the future, eager to tackle life, newly married couple. We were living a little distance from all our family and happy about starting our life in a new town. After a few years we made the decision that we were “ready” to start our own family (quite comical to think about now, as if you could ever be “ready” for the adventure called children!). Things didn’t progress as we had hoped, and we entered the terrifying world of infertility. Months go by and we reach the end of that period, having prayed and prayed about how far God would have us pursue children via fertility treatments. In the meantime, we had become close friends with a couple who had adopted a beautiful baby girl that we had grown to love as our own. This was no coincidence that we became friends with them! No, God was knitting us together with fellow believers who were experiencing the same struggles that we were facing.

We decided to pursue adoption with our whole hearts and use Bethany Christian Services as our agency. It feels akin to jumping of a high cliff into deep waters below, but we were confident that this was God’s plan for us. The adoption process is tedious, time consuming and at times frustrating and humiliating. And yet, God’s love was manifested time and time again through our wonderful social worker, our friends and family, and our church family. After waiting for 3.5 years we got THE phone call that a precious birthmother would like to meet us after viewing our information at a Bethany office nearby…so this was IT, the moment we had prayed about and dreamed about for years! Nerves were tense and emotions were high, but our meeting went very well with her and two weeks later we got another phone call to come to the hospital and meet our new son. He was absolutely perfect, beautiful and healthy! God had answered our prayers in a mighty way and we will forever and ever be thankful for this special sacrificial gift from our son’s birthmother. Her gift of life to our son has blessed us for the last 10 ½ years and we love him more and more every day.

Catherine, 8, Rhett, 4 and Grant, 10

 

When our son was around 18 months old we started the paperwork to pursue the adoption of a second child. We were busy with our very active son and when he was 27 months old our social worker needed to visit us one night with an urgent message. Our special birthmother had become pregnant with another child and had given birth to a baby girl. We were being asked if we would consider becoming her parents – to which Brad, my husband, enthusiastically responded ‘Yes!!’…while I am too stunned to fully form a response! We had 24 hours to gather a few things before driving to pick her up from the hospital. Just like that, God in His big huge love for us had given us the privilege to parent our son’s sister. She was a tiny little thing, born a few weeks early, but oh so perfect and beautiful!! Overwhelmed with how blessed we were, we got busy with the hectic pace of parenting two little ones, and we were so thankful for both of our gifts from God!

Fast forward to our son turning 5 years old and our daughter is 2 ½…the time of year was spring of 2010 and I realized for several days in a row that I just felt terrible. Like flu symptom terrible! Days and days of feeling awful and finally it occurred to me that maybe, possibly, surely couldn’t be…I might need to take a pregnancy test. I was in full-blown denial, so I put it off for many days and finally decided to do it. It was positive, very much positive, and I was very much in utter and total shock!!! A visit to my doctor (whose ecstatic face I will never forget from that day as long as I live) confirmed that yes, we were going to have a baby the old fashioned way! Oh my stars! God are You for real??! This could not be explained medically, logically, any kind of way – which makes it a flat out MIRACLE! There have been so many people who just wanted us to explain how it happened after so many years, but y’all…guess what? That’s what a divine miracle from God is – it cannot be explained by our pitifully inadequate human minds! I had a textbook pregnancy with no complications and on December 21, 2010, we welcomed a little brother to our family and he was big, healthy and so perfect. Why did God give us this gift? I cannot answer that question. All I know is that He did. It wasn’t expected at all, but we cannot praise or thank our Father in heaven enough while we live this side of eternity for blessing us this way. 

These kiddos love their Bulldogs! Hail State! 

Thank you, Father, for the gifts that are our three wonderful children. They each came to us in different and unique ways, just as they are each different and unique in their personalities and temperaments. But I’ll tell you this – they are LOVED the same, they are each so cherished by us and we cannot imagine our family without the three of them as siblings. God redeemed some very dark and discouraging times for us spent in the valley of despair with a joy and hope that is indescribable. What I wish most for people to understand at the end of this chapter is this: IF our story had not resulted in two adoptions and one child born biologically, IF our prayers had not been answered this way, IF we had never been given the blessing of children…we would STILL praise His holy name! Still.

You see, as we were still in a time of “waiting” I had come to a point of total surrender after dealing with witnessing person after person after endless person have babies when I couldn’t. Coming to a place of utmost surrender to God is very hard sometimes, and it surely was for me, but can I tell you what happens? Total peace. A peace that only God can give you. I prayed and told God, “I will love You, I will serve You, I will praise You...even if the answer is ‘No.’”

God is in control anyway, this was just my acceptance of that fact. At this exact moment in my life (I remember it vividly), when I prayed this prayer, our son’s birthmother was already pregnant and we just didn’t know it yet. I’m telling y’all, God is in every detail of your life, every little detail. And He is Good, His love is amazing, His redemption of our dirty filthy souls is incomprehensible.

I urge you to pray for the orphans in this world who feel all alone, for the fostering homes who are doing their best to show love to hurting children, for waiting families whose arms ache with the desire to hold a child of their own, for adopted children who transition into new home environments, for Bethany Christian Services and other adoption agencies and their staff as they minister to families, birthmothers and children, and for birthmothers who show the biggest love imaginable by entrusting a part of themselves, their child, to families that will care for and adore them always. Adoption is a beautiful reminder of Isaiah 61:3: “To comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." 

Dear Jesus, help me to always display Your splendor in my life. Amen

“My Story” ~ Big Daddy Weave

If I told you my story

You would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go

And if I told you my story

You would hear love that never gave up

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine

If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long.

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Wow! Just wow! Could you still praise Him, serve Him, love Him - even if the answer was "No."? I'll be honest. When I read Heather's words, I was seriously convicted about the times when I have been angry or disappointed or felt like God hadn't heard my cries because His answer wasn't what I wanted or in my time. The Fleming's story is such a beautiful story of faith and patience and trust in His time...it has been such a blessing to know Heather and Brad and to watch their beautiful children grow up under their loving guidance!

Two more posts, y'all! I can't wait to share my sweet friend Laura's journey as well as the one that has impacted me most - my beautiful niece Cristina! Stay tuned! 

#AdoptionRocks, Part 4: Empty Nest to Triple Stroller in 10 Days

A few weeks ago, when I began to wrestle with my role in the #WorldAdoptionDay campaign, I shared my desires with several friends. I really just wanted use my blog as a platform  to share stories of encouragement from friends and strangers who live "adoption" everyday. My sweet friend Melissa, whose story I shared here to kickoff this month-long series, suggested I contact a friend of hers about submitting a post...and I'm so glad she did! 

As I read Emily's story for the first time, the tears, y'all. I cannot even imagine the roller coaster of emotions, but I don't want to give too much of the story away, so just grab a tissue (or two!) and jump into this beautiful picture of God's amazing love and perfect timing! 

In Her Own Words...

The McAnear Family

The first day we met Joey, I was at work. Joey didn't come to us the way most children come to couples. We didn't have a nine-month pregnancy to prepare for her. She came through the foster care system in our county. We had spent months in parenting classes, hours on home studies and lots of money on cleaning supplies and child locks for cabinets to make our home up-to-code by the county's standards.

I honestly don't remember the drive to the office. I just remember sitting down in the small social services office on this little couch that was clearly meant for kids to play on. We had our adoption social worker in the room as well as the matching coordinator who helped decide which family was the best fit for this little girl. They gave us some legal information and some biological information about Joey. Then, they brought her in. One word I have for this moment is "bouncy." She. Was. Bouncy. She was almost 2 (21 months to be exact.) She had curly dark brown hair that fell to her shoulders. She had brown eyes that sparkled and lashes that reached to the end of the world. She smiled easily and talked a mile a minute. For as young as she was, she had a large vocabulary already. I think we were in the social services office for 2 hours. It may have been less, but it seemed like an eternity.

When we left that office in August 2005, we were parents. It happened so fast that our heads were spinning. We hardly knew what to do next. I remember stopping at the grocery store on the way home for some necessities when parenting a toddler - things like cheerios, peanut butter, bread, milk. It's strange to think, now - after having been a parent for some 8 years or so, that there was ever a time when we didn't stock those things like they were going out of style. Joey called me "Mommy" the first night she was with us. "Daddy" took a little longer but once it came, it came strong. She has a true and distinct attachment to her daddy. 

The McAnear Crew!
Regan (7), Joey (11),  Andrew and Elijah (10)

Becoming a mom to Joey also meant becoming a mom to her biological brother. A brother she had hardly ever seen and had never shared a home with. Elijah came into our home two months or so after Joey (October 2005). He was so tiny. He was six months old when we took him but had been born about 3 months early. He had a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy due to a seizure that he had after he was born. We were scared to say the least. There was no guarantee that this tiny creature would talk, walk or be able to do anything by himself in the future. He came with physical therapy appointments, medication to ward off seizures and visits to a pediatric neurologist. Thankfully, he also came with months of a prayer covering from his sweet and Godly foster mom. Prayers that were honored and heard.

I have to believe that the foster care system tries to do the right thing by all the kids they have coming through it. I have to believe that because if I let my heart go to the left or right it takes me down a dark path of cynicism and criticism of the system. Our human attempts at doing the right thing pale in relation to Jesus, don't they?

A few short months (January 2006) after blending these beautiful babies into the family, a family member who had never met the kids asked to take them. So, out of foster care they went. Out of their beds, out of their rooms, out of our home. We thought we would never see them again. There were no plans for us to ever be a part of their lives. No human plans, that is. We pleaded with the relative to send them back if she ever had second thoughts about keeping them. We told her they would always have a place in our home, even if it was years from now. She nodded, and told us to not hold our breath.

We went home heartbroken. We were reminded of our loss every time we walked down the hall of our home. So, we tried again. Our social worker went to work on finding another child for us. 

GOTCHA Day! 

Three weeks after we lost Joey and Elijah, our social worker called with another baby. A 9-month old boy, almost ready to finalize. Andrew came home with us a couple days later. Andrew came to us hitting every developmental milestone. This would become so important to us in coming weeks and months. My husband and I settled in to having a baby in the house and managing our grief of not having Joey or Elijah with us.

Thankfully, that grief did not last long. Only 10 days (yes, 10 days!) after taking Andrew, our social worker called. It was not a normal call. It was the kind of call that you want to be sitting down for. He called my husband at work first, which is good because I may have fallen over. He asked us if we were really willing to take Joey and Elijah back. What?! OH!

That afternoon, a car arrived in our driveway carrying Joey and Elijah. In the course of 10 days, we had gone from having no kids in our home to being the parents of three kids under three. Oh, the craziness! The diapers! The formula! The triple stroller! Yes, we went there. Elijah and Andrew are only nine days apart! Try explaining that to people when they ask! Elijah, who had been dealing with significant developmental delays, now had a brother who was not delayed. Would you believe God put those two boys together to strengthen and help each other?!

Moving day! From Cali to Houston, 2015.

We have since moved from Southern California to Houston, and I have had the privilege on a couple occasions of literally seeing the sky open up and pour down rain with all the force of the universe (Did I mention I had a flair for the dramatic?). This day, this reunification day for our family was one of metaphorical outpouring by God. He moved mountains to bring this little family together. He changed minds, changed hearts and moved people out of His way.

I have said in the past (and will continue to say) if you are not a believer before you start this process of adoption, you certainly will be by the end. There is no one to rely on but God Himself. There were many times while in the thick of the process I let the enemy tell me that God had forgotten us.  Now, looking back, I know that nothing could have been further from the truth. Every bump in the road was a step up to the plan He had. As it turned out, our family was not complete with those three. We were blessed with a biological daughter in December 2007 the same week we signed finalization paperwork for Joey and Elijah. Our little family isn't so little in most people's eyes. But if nothing else, it is blessed.

Might I leave you with a verse? Psalm 127:1a says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain." May our labor never be in vain and may Jesus never be too far from our lips.

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Wow, right? I'm just in awe of the McAnear's faith in God's perfect plan and timing. I'm pretty sure if had I been the one having to "give back" those precious babies, there would have been some quick flights booked to a foreign land. Just sayin', y'all! But oh, how beautiful the story when we give Him the pen, and let Him do the writing. His love endures forever, sweet friends, even when it feels otherwise in the moment. He is always, always for us, y'all. Always.

I just received the next post today from my sweet friend, Liz, who's preparing to travel to India very soon to bring home her beautiful baby girl. I cannot wait to share her story with you in a few days!