That word has always made me just a bit queasy. Right up there with "colonoscopy" in my book, friends. And I'll admit it: Going to the dentist is not on my list of favorite things. No offense to all my amazing dental peeps out there! You guys keep doing your thing! <Insert fist bump>
So, when I had this filling done a while back, my dentist warned me that it could become a problem. It was deep filling and close to a nerve. He told me I needed to be aware of it and if it became an "issue," go ahead and schedule an appointment with an endodontist.
Well, the thought of a root canal just about sent me over the edge...and that was nearly a year ago.
I just kept thinking I could "fix it" with better oral hygiene. You know? DO MORE or DO BETTER than I had in the past and the pain would just magically go away.
And when that didn't work, I just started chewing on the other side. Because if I can't fix it myself by DOING MORE, I'll just avoid it. Right?
Right. Until two weeks ago when the pain brought me to tears and has several times since. The pain got so bad that I "may" have sent texts on New Year's Eve to two dear friends in the dental world (one of whom was halfway between Mississippi and Miami to watch the Orange Bowl - #HAILSTATE - and the other of whom was trying to enjoy his few days off in his deer stand!).
"So, just when might you be back in your office...to make this THROBBING PAIN in my mouth stop, dear one?"
Thankfully, one was able to (and kind enough to!) call in some meds to get me through until the post-holidays, and I could schedule an appointment with the nicest endodontist in the world. Seriously, if you have to have a root canal, this guy's the guy!
But I started thinking this afternoon as I dozed in and out of medicated consciousness in the pre-school dismissal quiet of my house...this whole tooth thing is like so much of the sin in my life.
There's a little (Ahem. Ok. It might be big) crack in some area(s) of my life. I take the quick fix knowing there's probably going to be trouble down the road. I start (frantically!) trying to "fix" it myself...I can take on one more thing. Go on one more mission. Find one more person to help. Start one more project to "fix" the hurt and the pain.
And when that doesn't work, I just avoid it altogether...Nope, that doesn't hurt. Not me. All good in the 'hood over here. Sensitivity when you get close to it? Nope, nothing to see here, folks.
But you know the thing about this tooth? None of the brushing or flossing or sensitive toothpaste or whatever helped, and chewing on the other side probably just created a whole new world of issues for the other side of my mouth (I love a Milk Dud, friends!). I couldn't fix it...the problem was just too big.
When I told friends I was having the procedure done, several of them said, "I had no idea you were hurting so badly." Yep, that's another important thing for dealing with it myself: Suffer in silence. That's how I roll. Because to admit that I'm hurting means I need help, and that I'm not capable of taking care of things which means I'm admitting weakness...and ultimately, failure. And well, that just stinks.
But finally, the pain became too much. Too many tears and sleepless nights (and my husband would likely add "edginess"). I had to take it to the one who could fix it. Clean out the hurt and the pain and the bad stuff that was causing the problem...and fill it with something else.
And that's where I am with some junk in my heart right now. I need to take it to the One who can fix it. Let Him clean out the junk, fill it with something better and helpful, and then let Him cover it with GRACE and FORGIVENESS to protect it from letting the junk back in and completely destroying my heart. It's not going to be an immediate fix...it will take time. I'll likely have some discomfort and have to keep it in check to make sure it's healing properly. But it's time to take it to the One who can fix it...too many tears and many sleepless nights...
Maybe it's the meds, but that's what I've got for you on this experience.
It's #SHARE2015, friends. Get ready. It's about to get real.