The Game of Life

Spin the wheel. Move your sporty little car down the game of life trail. Draw two cards and chose between them for your career...and then change it on down the road if it's not working out for you. Add a baby...or four with another spin. Buy or sell a house on a whim. Learn to play the bongos or maybe take dancing lessons. Not enough money to pay your debts? No problem - just take out a bank loan. My personal favorite: Get $20K just because someone else spun your "magic number." 


I grew up playing Life with my family. I'd load up that little pink car with all my kids - I always got the pink car because I was the only girl, btw. I'd stash my loads of cash neatly under the edge of the playing board just waiting and saving. It all seemed so simple. Pick this or that. Lucky break here -- get $500K. Be a teacher -- and make $100,000 a year. (Maybe the game should be called "Dreamland" instead!). Hit a streak of bad luck -- lose your money. But no worries -- payday is just a spin away!

Riley got the newest version of LIFE for his birthday, and we've been enjoying a little family game night (when we're not running crazy to "all the things"). Although Riley's version has been updated from my 1980s version, not much has really changed about the concept. As I watched the boys' excitement wax and wane, I couldn't help but be just a little sad, too. I wish I could make the real game of life that simple for them. What if they only had TWO careers to choose from -- with both netting them over $100K a year? What if choosing the right spouse was as simple as selecting a colored peg and plopping her into the car beside them (not to mention getting $20K wedding gifts from everyone else playing!). 

If I'm being honest, thinking about their futures sometimes make my mama heart hurt a little at the thought of their wrong choices and inevitable detours ahead in each of their lives. I want to protect them. Maybe just wrap their little blue car with some bubble wrap to prevent the dings and dents or even head-on collisions. Or maybe just tell them which girl is "the one" (and certainly tell them which ones are NOT!) or help them choose the best career for them. 

But I can't, really.

If I'm being realistic, all I can do is try to teach them to love Jesus and pray. I think back on all the times my parents tried to steer me in the right direction and at how I so often balked and did just the opposite. Sometimes it worked out for me - and sometimes it didn't...but there were certainly lots of dings along the way.

I've decided that watching your child hurt, whether physically or emotionally, because of a bad choice must be the worst part of parenting. I don't look forward to it. At. All. Even the few "little" situations we've had already were just awful.

So I pray daily for their safety and their protection from the hard knocks that are certain to come. I pray for their decisions and for the friends they will surround themselves with in the years to come. I pray for God to draw their hearts to Him and when they stray, protect them until they return to Him. I pray I can show them Jesus in real ways that make them want to love Him - and love others because of Him. Most of all, I pray for mercy and grace for all the mistakes I will make along the way.


Will I still try to tell them what to do? Probably. Will they listen? Probably not. After all, they did get a double dose of the stubborn gene, unfortunately. Will I love them and support them either way? Absolutely! 

Because really,  I can't wrap them (or their little hearts) in bubble wrap. And Jeff and I really only have them for a short time...we just have to remember that it's what we do with that short time makes all the difference in the game of ETERNAL LIFE.

Sidewalk Prophets has a song, "The Words I Would Say" that sums it up pretty well, I think...

Be strong in the Lord 

and never give up hope.

You're gonna do great things, 

I already know. 

God's got His hand on you 

so don't live life in fear.

Forgive and forget,

but don't forget why you're here.

Take your time and pray...

These are the word I would say. 

So, what are your parenting fears? How do you handle your worries about the future?

Before I was Methodist...Some Maundy Thursday Thoughts

Before all my non-Methodist friends stop reading because they think I'm about to get all "my-religion-is-better-than-your-religion" on them...let me just say, I'm not. Press on, dear friend. There might be a gem hidden in these early morning, caffeine-deprived ramblings.

Today is Maundy Thursday. If you had told me that pre-Jeff Walton in my life, I would have been like, "Throw me some beads! Let's get this party started!" And if you had asked me about Lent or the Lenten season, I would have likely wondered why celebrating the hot mess in your dryer was essential to walking with Jesus to the cross. But whatever, man! Now, I'm no theologian or expert on Methodism - or anything for that matter - but I have come to understand these important events on a basic level and have truly come to appreciate this season of celebration.

Post-Jeff Walton me has come to understand that Lent is not about "giving up" chocolate or candy or other things in our lives...but about sacrificing the thing(s) that are preventing us from focusing our hearts on Jesus Christ. It's about cleaning out the clutter to prepare our hearts for celebrating the greatest gift of all time...the death of Jesus Christ on the cross. A death that was unnecessary for His own sins, but oh-so-necessary for the sins of the world. Yours. Mine. Your annoying neighbor's. The co-worker who talks too much. THE. SINS. OF. THE. WORLD. Soak that in for a minute.

Today - Maundy Thursday - is a celebration of "lasts," if you will. The Last Supper. Jesus' final time of fellowship with His closest friends before his terrifying and unimaginable walk to the cross. I am a sentimental gal and also one who is fiercely and deeply loyal to my closest friends. I cannot imagine the heartache Jesus felt as He shared this final meal with his dear friends...but I can imagine the JOY that He felt knowing that His sacrifice would save those friends from an eternity in hell. That His death would give them LIFE EVERLASTING. Can you imagine? What greater gift can you give a friend or family member -- or even your annoying neighbor or that talkative co-worker?

Our family is entering into a season of "lasts" as we begin preparing to move - last days of school, last meetings with J-Crew youth group, last Sunday School classes, last mission trips...the list gets long quickly. It's sad to think about (and I'm trying not to!), and I get a little wistful. But I know God has good things in store for us with this new adventure...things greater than we can imagine or comprehend...

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, 

and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29: 11-13

His promises are true, and I am clinging to them in the moments of sadness that often wash over me.

What can we learn from Maundy Thursday and these lasts with Jesus and His friends?

1) Jesus gave us the example by which we now celebrate Holy Communion with the Last Supper. We break bread in fellowship with other believers after His example. His body...broken for the sins of many. His blood...shed for all mankind.

2) We are also given a beautiful example of humility in service as we see Jesus washing the feet of His disciples. Jesus' example of humble servanthood should be our model daily - in our homes and in our communities. What a beautiful picture of putting others before self!  

So, nix those beads, my friends, as we celebrate Maundy Thursday today! Instead, enjoy sweet fellowship with friends around your table and maybe engage in a random act of kindness today. Humble yourself in service as an act of thanksgiving for the sacrifice He's made so that YOU can live!

Happy Easter, peeps!

(See what I did there? Go get yourself - or at least your kids - some chicken-shaped colored marshmallows while you're at it!)

He's NOT the Man I Married

Do you ever look across the dinner table at you spouse and think "He's/She's NOT the man/woman I married!"

Well, I do. Often. Because he's not. And it's a good thing he's not, if I'm being really honest. Not that he was "bad" when we married, but God is really doing an amazing thing with Jeff...and I'm just along for the ride.

Growing up, I had this image of what my Prince Charming would be like. He'd be tall, dark-haired and handsome (as was just about every girl's dream, right?) and he'd surely be a doctor or maybe a lawyer. As I got older and learned about more professions, I added Wall Street Stock Broker or maybe CEO of a Fortune 500 company to the possibilities of Prince C's occupations. Hey! A girl can dream!

Anyhoo. Two things I was adamant about my Prince NOT being? 1) A coach and 2) A preacher. Those were just two lifestyles I did not want to live. Too busy. Too much moving. Too chaotic. Too visible. Whatever. I just knew I didn't want to be a coach's wife OR a preacher's wife.

And then Jeff Walton happened.

He was a college men's basketball coach when we started dating and when we married, almost 11 years ago, he was transitioning to high school boys basketball. I knew what I was getting into, or so I thought. And I still had one thing I could dig my heals in on, right?

Enter 2007. Jeff left coaching and became the Director of Youth and Children's Ministry at FUMC Louisville (And how that went down is a story in itself!). It has been an amazing eight years of ministry! We have seen members of our first group of youth graduate college, get married and some even have children of their own. We have loved being a part of their lives and seeing them grow into amazing young men and women! We have been loved well by the FUMC Louisville family and it's the only church our boys have ever known. However, we have known our time there was coming to an end as Jeff nears the completion of his Master of Divinity at Asbury Theological Seminary.

Today, we are excited to share that we will be moving to Noxapater, Miss., where Jeff will be the Pastor at Noxapater FUMC. We are excited to join this church family and look forward to meeting all 419 people in Noxapater as we make it our new home! We are thrilled that God has given us a few more years in Winston County and are grateful to the UMC for this opportunity. The move to Noxapater is an answered prayer for me. As we have neared the time for Jeff's initial appointment, I have prayed (often feeling selfish about it!) for just a little longer with our people here in Winston County. While the boys will be moving schools in the fall, we are just 9 miles from "our people" and can't wait to add new people to those we are so blessed to do life with here!

So the moral of this story? Don't tell God what you're NOT going to do! It might be the very thing He calls you to do - maybe not immediately, but very possibly down the road. Let Him be the author of your story and quit trying to write your own. Because if you're like me, you'd just mess it up anyway!

Next time you look lovingly across the table at your spouse and think, "He/She's not the man/woman I married" be grateful that we're ALL a work in progress and that His plans are way bigger and even cooler than anything we could ever imagine.

So, if you're ever in Noxapater or even just passing through, stop in and see us! Our door will always be open and there will likely be sweet tea (and Dr. Pepper!) to share on our porch swing! I might even learn to cook...Wait. Nope. They'll just have to love me anyway!

Humility...A BIG Word

Humility. What is it? What does that even look like? How do you "act humbly..." (Micah 6:8)? How do you live a life that reflects your constant acknowledgement that without Jesus you'd lost and wandering? It's something I wrestle with daily...ok, minute-ly (Yes, that is a word! Ok. No, not really. But this is a blog post, and we'll let some things slide for emphasis here!).

Humility is something I desire deeply in my life - both in myself and those around me. Whenever I start to feel a little pride building up, I'm so grateful that just a few minutes in prayer can bring back reality like a smack in the face: Without His grace and mercies afresh each day, I would really be a hot mess. Any accomplishment or achievement that I have attained in life is a GIFT FROM GOD and nothing that I could have done in my own strength or abilities. I'm a train wreck, people, when left to my own devices. I refer to "Exhibit A: My College Years" as proof. And if that's not enough, see also "Exhibit B: Three Years Post College."

I need His guidance and His power and let's be honest, His energy to make through each day. Because for real - no combo of Dr. Pepper, coffee and chocolate could get me through some of the days we've had recently. I need His voice in my head - ok, sometimes it takes a billboard, because let's face it, I'm a bit hard headed at times. But I need His direction and provision for my life. I need to lean into Him and His love and grace to get through the difficult times. I need His reassurance and praise in the happy times. And I also need the constant reminder that...

I am nothing on my own.

The words of one of my favorite songs, Give Us Clean Hands, have become a nearly constant prayer of my heart. I *might* change the plural pronouns to singular personal pronouns and sing it at the top of my lungs driving down the highway. Might.

We bow our hearts.
We bend our knees.
Oh, Spirit come make us humble.

We turn our eyes from evil things.
Oh, Lord we cast out our idols.

And while I don't really have little Buddhas sitting around in our home or a bobble head Buddha on my dash (Although that might be cool! No? Ok.), I do often set up little idols in my heart. My handsome and charming husband. My adorable and hysterical boys. My amazing and loyal friends. My church and community service. My jobs (now down to two! Whoop Whoop!). All the social media scrolling and perusing. Anything really that distracts me from focusing my heart and my energies on Christ. Those become my idols. (And I would be remiss not to take this chance to recommend Kelly Minter's No Other Gods if this is something you want to dig deeper into!)

But I have come to understand, oh-so painfully, that when I turn my eyes away from the Maker of Heaven and Earth, that's when the pride and jealousy and comparison sneak in. And drag me down to place I don't want - or need - to be.

So...(in my best Most Interesting Man in the World voice)...

Stay humble, my friends!

Did You Say "Root Canal?"

Root canal. 

That word has always made me just a bit queasy. Right up there with "colonoscopy" in my book, friends. And I'll admit it: Going to the dentist is not on my list of favorite things. No offense to all my amazing dental peeps out there! You guys keep doing your thing! <Insert fist bump>

So, when I had this filling done a while back, my dentist warned me that it could become a problem. It was deep filling and close to a nerve. He told me I needed to be aware of it and if it became an "issue," go ahead and schedule an appointment with an endodontist. 

Well, the thought of a root canal just about sent me over the edge...and that was nearly a year ago. 

I just kept thinking I could "fix it" with better oral hygiene. You know? DO MORE or DO BETTER than I had in the past and the pain would just magically go away.

And when that didn't work, I just started chewing on the other side. Because if I can't fix it myself by DOING MORE, I'll just avoid it. Right?

Right. Until two weeks ago when the pain brought me to tears and has several times since. The pain got so bad that I "may" have sent texts on New Year's Eve to two dear friends in the dental world (one of whom was halfway between Mississippi and Miami to watch the Orange Bowl - #HAILSTATE - and the other of whom was trying to enjoy his few days off in his deer stand!). 

"So, just when might you be back in your office...to make this THROBBING PAIN in my mouth stop, dear one?" 

Thankfully, one was able to (and kind enough to!) call in some meds to get me through until the post-holidays, and I could schedule an appointment with the nicest endodontist in the world. Seriously, if you have to have a root canal, this guy's the guy!

But I started thinking this afternoon as I dozed in and out of medicated consciousness in the pre-school dismissal quiet of my house...this whole tooth thing is like so much of the sin in my life. 

There's a little (Ahem. Ok. It might be big) crack in some area(s) of my life. I take the quick fix knowing there's probably going to be trouble down the road. I start (frantically!) trying to "fix" it myself...I can take on one more thing. Go on one more mission. Find one more person to help. Start one more project to "fix" the hurt and the pain. 

And when that doesn't work, I just avoid it altogether...Nope, that doesn't hurt. Not me. All good in the 'hood over here. Sensitivity when you get close to it? Nope, nothing to see here, folks. 

But you know the thing about this tooth? None of the brushing or flossing or sensitive toothpaste or whatever helped, and chewing on the other side probably just created a whole new world of issues for the other side of my mouth (I love a Milk Dud, friends!). I couldn't fix it...the problem was just too big. 

When I told friends I was having the procedure done, several of them said, "I had no idea you were hurting so badly." Yep, that's another important thing for dealing with it myself: Suffer in silence. That's how I roll. Because to admit that I'm hurting means I need help, and that I'm not capable of taking care of things which means I'm admitting weakness...and ultimately, failure. And well, that just stinks.

But finally, the pain became too much. Too many tears and sleepless nights (and my husband would likely add "edginess"). I had to take it to the one who could fix it. Clean out the hurt and the pain and the bad stuff that was causing the problem...and fill it with something else.

And that's where I am with some junk in my heart right now. I need to take it to the One who can fix it. Let Him clean out the junk, fill it with something better and helpful, and then let Him cover it with GRACE and FORGIVENESS to protect it from letting the junk back in and completely destroying my heart. It's not going to be an immediate fix...it will take time. I'll likely have some discomfort and have to keep it in check to make sure it's healing properly. But it's time to take it to the One who can fix it...too many tears and many sleepless nights...

Maybe it's the meds, but that's what I've got for you on this experience.

It's #SHARE2015, friends. Get ready. It's about to get real.

#SHARE2015

It's that day. That day in the year when we all seem focused on resolving to be better, do better, do more, eat less, spend less...whatever. And here I sit in front of this stinkin' screen resolving to "blog more." Not because I think people need or really even enjoy what I write, but because it's cathartic for me...and it's way cheaper than therapy. We'll see if this too will fall by the wayside along with my resolutions to lose 30 pounds and eat healthier...

So, for the last three years, I have begun praying for God to focus me on a word as the end of the year approached. A word for me to focus on throughout the upcoming year. A word to help me grow in an area of my life that needs refining.

2013 was the year of FAITH. A year that saw me walk away from a job I loved and had worked dang hard to have. We're avoiding any reuse of that word for a while.

2014 was the year of JOY. A year of making the conscious decision to CHOOSE JOY in all circumstances. A year that saw half of my little town (including dear friends and church family!) lose everything on April 28 as a tornado ripped through our community. A year that took me to the poorest country in the world five times to experience unimaginable circumstances. Um. Maybe this whole word thing is not all it's cracked up to be.

Third time is a charm, y'all. 2015 is it, and God confirmed the word SHARE as my word over the last week. This past Sunday in my Sunday School class, we were talking through what to DO with the Word and one of those things was SHARE, and Bro. Mike's sermon encouraged us to embrace grace - for ourselves and others - in the coming year. It had been the word on my heart and this was the confirmation I needed.

2015 is definitely the year of SHARE.

But first things first. I've struggled a bit with differentiating between GIVE and SHARE. So I went to the wisest and smartest person I know...that handsome guy I get to call my husband (brownie points, indeed!). We talked through it during a few of the 1,467,823 minutes we've spent in the car together over the last week traveling for the holidays and here's what we came up with...

I baked you a pie (Just hang with me, people. This IS totally hypothetical because you and I both know - I don't bake pies!). I could deliver the pie to your house and walk away, and you can do with the pie what you wish. Or, I could baked a pie and invite you over to share it with me. I'll make coffee or hot chocolate or maybe we'll just drink water with it since we've both resolved to eat healthier this year. Regardless, we'll chat for a bit over the yummy pie I baked (It's my blog, I can take creative liberties, people!) and enjoy the pie TOGETHER.

SHARE: to grant or give a share in; to partake of, use, experience, occupy or enjoy with others; to have in common.

Now don't go thinking I'm going to be delivering pies all over the place in 2015, but I do think God is urging me to slow down and enjoy life WITH people more. I have a "slight tendency" to be "a little" task-oriented and focused on completion of a task and moving on to the next thing on the list. What if I slowed down and enjoyed the process of the task? What if I shared in and learned to enjoy the experience of getting there...instead of just pushing to get there?

Maybe I'm way off. It's only January 1, and God may take this whole SHARE thing in a totally different direction. I guess we'll see as 2015 goes on. I'm diving into The Word today to explore some scripture about sharing and can't wait to SHARE what I learn (See what I did there?).

Did you choose a word or theme for 2015? What are your plans for the year? Would love to hear what you're planning for the year!

Parenting is HARD, Y'all!

Parenting is hard, y'all. Like crazy hard. And there are no cliff notes, cheat sheets or short cuts. There's no borrowing your friend's notes who had the class before you...because Lord knows, the test is going to be different. Parenting is the cramming-all-night-for-days-at-a-time-and-praying-something-sticks-for-test-day kind of hard. We've planning for the boys' college funds, but it might also be wise to start putting a little aside for therapy because I'm certain I'm messing them up somehow. 

NOTE: Now would probably be an appropriate time to apologize to my own parents for all the pain and agony I caused them growing up...who am I kidding - that I'm still causing them!

Seriously though. Parenting is probably the most difficult thing I've ever done...and my boys are just seven and four. For goodness sakes, we haven't even hit the teen years. And I think one thing that makes parenting so difficult is that there is no end. With a project or a task or a renovation or whatever else it is you're tackling, there's an end. A clearly defined moment when you can step back and declare (hopefully, triumphantly!) "IT IS FINISHED!" But I think we'll be parenting in some form or fashion until we reach those pearly gates. 

And I'll be honest, there are moments when I think I can't possibly answer one more question or pick up one more toy or match one more pair of socks. My fruit of the spirit basket is just plain empty, y'all...and it feels like the off-season for all things fruity. I can't possibly intervene in one more argument or explain why it's not ok to leave  dirty dishes in the sink one more time. Wait - that last one is for the "Marriage is hard, y'all!" post! #loveyouhoney

But then - in the midst of the chaos and crazy - God moments happen. There are little glimpses of heaven in their smiles or their laughs or the kind words they say or the compassionate acts I am blessed enough to see. They happen when I least expect them and oftentimes I miss them until later when I'm falling into bed reflecting on the day. But they are there.

A few nights ago, we were herding our little buffalo to bed - and well past a respectable bedtime for a seven and four year old, mind you. I had been "working from home" <insert hysterical laughter here> with the boys most of the day. We'd been to eat dinner where their table manners and overall behavior left much to be desired. And then - just because I am totally insane and like to torture myself - I thought a "quick" trip to pick up a "few things" at the grocery store would be a good idea. Oh my stars! By the time we reached the checkout, I was ready offer them to the next person who commented on "how cute" they were. I'm kidding...mostly.

Thankfully, I was able to sneak away to run a few miles before the sun went down to recompose myself as we made our final approach toward bedtime. But by the time we actually started toward the bed, everyone was in a funk...and I do mean EVERYONE and I do mean FUNK.

I finally got Riley into bed. He could tell I was exasperated...he's smart like that.

Riley: "Mom, I don't want to cuddle tonight."

Me: "What? Why? Are you pouting because you got in trouble?"

Riley: "No...I just don't deserve to get to cuddle."

<Insert mama's heart breaking here.>

What an amazing moment to teach Riley what GRACE looks like...to cuddle that sweet baby boy until he pushes me away (because he's starting to do that now, you know). And to let him know that no amount of terrible table manners, smart-mouthed back talking or bullying his little brother could make me love him any less or want to lavish any fewer cuddles on him. Cuddles at bedtime are an act of love - of me expressing my love for him - and his behavior doesn't change my love for him (just my blood pressure!). Cuddles are the good stuff that end a long day and make all the yuck and the craziness from it disappear. Cuddles are the unspoken "I love you" that we all need sometimes. Cuddles are the bomb, y'all.

The really cool thing about that moment? If I feel that way about him...isn't it mind blowing to think about how much more our heavenly Father wants to pour out His amazing and unconditional love on us? Overwhelming to think about the joy He finds in giving us fantastic blessings - undeserved blessings?

So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

Matthew 7:11 (NLT)

So bring on those cuddles, sweet Jesus! Wrap me up in Your arms and let Your grace wash over me when I've been a terrible mom/wife/daughter/sister/aunt/friend/person in general. Let me know that YOU still love me - even when I don't deserve it. Cuddle me until I am secure in Your love and know You are sovereign over all the yuck and are working Your blessings into my mess in Your time. Thank you, Lord, for these wild little boys...and for the lessons they bring.

Oh, the parenting lessons! They are really God lessons...perfectly disguised in little boys with no manners or concept of acceptable voice volume.

Has God given you a lesson through the little people in your life? I'd love for you to share it in the comments!

Choosing JOY in the flood…literally.

"I chose joy. I choose joy. I choose joy."

These are the words running through my head as I'm standing in my rain boots watching my dear, sweet neighbor tromping through our pitch-black yard trying to find the cut-off for our water in the freezing cold. You see, the rain boots were necessary because at some point in today's warm-up, a pipe burst in our utility room behind the water heater and water was shooting out about 5 feet from the wall. It's then shooting into the garage because I had opened the door, of course, when I arrived home from a 12-hour day to find water pouring from beneath said door and streaming down our driveway. Before the opening of said door, it had been damned up behind said door…slowly leaking under the wall into our laundry room. 

"JOY. I CHOOSE JOY"( Now they are audible words coming out of my mouth and I'm wondering in my neighbor thinks I've lost it, but they are my mantra.)

Oh, and let me mention here that Jeff is currently out of town (thus my sweet neighbor tromping through our yard) and has been since Sunday morning. So, it's been four days of (wo)manning my jobs, his job and taking care of the boys. #exhausted

"I CHOOSE JOY, dadgummit !"

To add to the context of my already stellar frame of mind, upon arriving to church tonight I am greeted with the news that the youngest of my strong-willed boys has had an "episode" with one of our amazing children's ministry volunteers. He decided a seat belt was not necessary today…despite FOUR YEARS of wearing one every time he was in a car. #youretryingmypatienceboy

"I CHOOSE JOY!!" (as I drag him to the bathroom to "discuss" this situation). 

I've heard it said that when you pray for patience, God sends circumstances to test your patience. Now, I don't know if that's biblical or not, but just in case - I quit praying that prayer about the time Riley turned 2. 

As I sit here rehashing the events of the night over Double Stuffed Oreos and a Dr. Pepper (#comfortfood), I'm trying to figure out if this principal could also apply to my prayer for JOY. Maybe God just wants to see if I'm serious about this thing in 2014 or if I'm like all those folks cramming into the gym right now because they've resolved to lose weight this year…

Of course, I've also been reading Job in my daily quiet time for several days. I'd like to believe that I've found favor with God and that He and Satan are dueling it out over me. Like Job, He's given Satan permission to test me and try me… Ok, that's unlikely, but a girl can dream.

JOY.

After turning this no-water-don't-flush-the-toilet ending to our day into a "camping adventure" - complete with teaching the boys how to bath and brush their teeth with bottled water - we finally made it to bedtime. Eli chose to read from his picture Bible tonight and you'll never believe the first words of tonight's story -- 

"And after the flood…"

First words out of Eli's mouth?

"Mama! Just like in the garage!" 

Yes, baby. Just like in the garage…and laundry room…and mudroom. 

I CHOOSE JOY. I choose joy in this terrible messy moment. I choose joy because I have sweet neighbors willing to brave the freezing cold to help me stop the flood. I choose joy in having praying friends who lifted prayers and offered beds and showers and homes to us. I choose joy because I'm typing this in the comfort of a warm home tonight (albeit without water) and my boys think this "adventure" was fun. 

I CHOOSE JOY.

Amen and Amen.

Thankful I'm a Failure

I know it's the holiday season but I'll be honest, I'm just not feeling it (yet).

Bah humbug, anyone?

My life seems a little too chaotic at the moment to get into the holiday spirit. 

My house is a wreck. I'm yelling at my kids...because my house is wreck and if I step on one more Hot Wheel or Lego block, I may blow a gasket. 

My sweet Elbie rocking that jacket…and nothing else.

It seems my conversations with my husband lately are all logistical. "Who has the kids? Did you pay the rent? Will you take this to the Post Office?" And date night with real conversation - um, what's that?

I'm leaving for a 7-day mission trip in 9 days and haven't thought one bit about packing. Who needs clothes? I may embrace the way of the Haitian children on this trip…ok, maybe not.

For some reason, I CANNOT get to work on time lately and I'm up to my ears in half-finished "To Do" lists…for all three of the jobs I'm currently juggling. 

I look at my current state and feel like such a FAILURE as a wife, a mom, a boss, an employee, a family member and a friend. 

But I'm ok with failure. Really, I am. 

Because God is in the failures. The doubts. The insecurities. The overwhelmingness of life. He's there in the messy relationships. He's there in the difficult days when nothing seems to go right. And the pain of stepping on a Hot Wheel in the middle of the night? Yep, He's there, too.

Last night, I finally had all my email inboxes cleared out, all my Noonday Collection orders entered, had sorted through the urgent mail and I was just about spent from the day. But I reached over and grabbed my daily devotion book and Bible. I am so glad I did; this was the little gem God had for me in the exhaustion... 

"When I'm sinking in thoughts of inadequacy...I remember that my ability is not based on what I can do. My ability and strength come from the One who can do all things." 

~ Lysa TerKeurst, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.

While the reminder didn't change the fact that my house is still a wreck or that I was still late for work this morning, it did remind me that He's there with me in the mess of my house and sitting beside me as the officer walked slowly to my car (Sorry, Jeff!). It reminded me that I can have peace with my failures and don't have to put on like my life is perfect and all neatly put together. It's not and never will be. And if it were, I might not lean on Him every minute of every day...

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

 Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Lord, draw me close and let me rest in knowing the pain in my foot will subside and it's really not a big deal if I forget something on this trip. Draw me close and let me know that my failures are just more opportunities to let YOUR light shine and Your power rest in me. Draw me close and teach me to love the "perfect failure" You've created to walk in humility and fellowship with You each day…

So, bring on the minefield of Legos and the frantic packing hours before a flight…I'm ready. 

A Recap of Weeks 4-6 & The Final Week of "7"

Well, life happened. Actually Noonday Collection happened, if I'm being honest. Lots of amazing ladies learning how to use their shopping power for good in the last month = not a lot of time for much else. But I'm ok with that (and hope you are, too!). 

But here are the recaps of Week 4-6 for Jen Hatmaker's "7" Experiment going on in my life…

WEEK 4: Media

I stink. That is all.

This was my actual post to our Facebook group about my media week "sacrifices"…

I'm pretty sure this will be worse than food week...
Giving up...
1) TV
2) Pinterest
3) Vine/Snapchat/YouTube/Vimeo/blah, blah, blah 
4) Instagram & Twitter - other than Noonday and HMM posts (no scrolling)
5) Facebook...you know the exceptions.
6) book/iBooks - Bible and Jesus Calling only
7) Limited radio. I am driving to Arkansas with Eli or I would go completely.

Oh my word. I want to cry...I'll trade all that for Dr. Pepper. 

Several days later…I admitted my failure and acknowledged I am entirely too "connected" and even addicted to the connections, if we're being honest. My job(s) rely heavily on social media and although I included the work caveat in the list, I got sucked in and then couldn't look away. By Thursday, I was scrolling through Facebook like nobody's business and "liking" and "commenting" like a champ. 

Media Week = FAIL

Week 5: Waste 

The point of this week (I think!) was to become more aware of our wastefulness and find ways to recycle, upcycle and otherwise reduce the damage we're causing to the earth. I'll admit, I struggled getting excited about this, my friends. We do a lot of things in our lives because we're busy and it's convenient…

So, this was also pretty much a fail, although I did remember to recycle some of my Dr. Pepper cans from the week. Hold habits die hard, people. 

This really takes a family effort and we're just not there, people. We do have a composting plan we're going to work on through the spring and hopefully have ready to implement in time to plant a few tomatoes and maybe a few other things that will grow well in containers…and without much attention…because I can't keep a house plant alive so why I'm considering gardening, I'm not sure.

And I am going to devise a plan for the recycling. *Note: We don't have the luxury of pick-up for recycling, so it can get a little messy hauling cans across town.

Waste Week = FAIL

Week 6: Spending

Ok. I was really hoping this would be my rebound week after two weeks of completely bombing the experiment. The premise is to only spend money in seven places for the week. That sounded soooo simple. Until noon on Monday when I realized I had already spent money at FOUR places NOT on my list. 

Here is my post in the FB group outlining my plan for the week…

So, here we are. Next to last week. It's spending. I've already spent money at four places since yesterday morning - none of which were to be on my "list."

Today is a new day, so here we go:

1. FUMC Louisville
2. Walmart (ugh)
3. Wherever Kelli and I have lunch tomorrow (her pick)
4. Noonday (strictly business, of course!) 
5. Water bill is due - wherever that goes
6. Little Caesar's (just keepin' it real, peeps! It's going to happen (at least) one night this week!)
7. Leaving room for another "oops!" here…it's going to happen.

* Note: I intentionally paid all the bills early anticipating this week. Is that cheating?

I won't make a second list of all the places I spent money that weren't on that list, but let's just say my hopes of rebounding and avoiding a third FAIL in a row were dashed by Wednesday.

Spending Week = FAIL

Week 7: Stress

I was really hoping this week might involve a getaway weekend to the beach with my "7" ladies - it only seems right, yes?

Not quite. I/We will be observing seven pauses throughout the day (and night) with specific prayer focuses and verses (will post those in a later blog for those interested in trying this at home). 

The Night Watch (midnight)

The Awakening Hour (dawn)

The Blessing Hour (midmorning)

The Hour of Illumination (noon)

The Wisdom Hour (mid afternoon)

The Twilight Hour (early evening)

The Great Silence (bedtime)

For those who know me, morning is not exactly my "best" time and I am one of those people that has trouble going back to sleep once I'm awake…this week may be painful.

But the alarms are set and here we go…

Week 3: Possessions...Oh, and I Survived Clothes Week

Clothes Week is over! I may never wear either of the t-shirts from my 7 again...especially the long-sleeved one since I pretty much lived in it Days 4, 5 and 6 thanks to the cold front that arrived midweek. 

And I may or may not have worn my towel wrap for several hours one day waiting on my clothes to come out of the wash...

What I learned:

1. I do have something to wear...despite my constant complaining in the closet when I am trying to get dressed. It may not be the most fashionable thing or from "this season" but I have enough clothes I could wear something different everyday without repeating for a month...or two. That's disgusting and it will be changing. 

2. My children have more clothes than they will ever wear in their lifetime and certainly before they out grow them. Thankfully, I have been blessed with hand-me-downs and we try to reciprocate with others by passing along the things that no longer fit. But seriously, how many dress shirts do little boys need? There are only four Sundays in a month. Geez. 

3. Jeff has a lot of gray t-shirts, but this really not about him...yet! 

4. Yoga pants are an essential part of my wardrobe.

5. I have way too many accessories (Exclusion Clause: Noonday Collection). Thankfully, God provided an opportunity to purge most of those in an positive way. A dear friend is working with a women's group in Burkina Faso and will be taking gently used jewelry to them in a few weeks as "happies." I unloaded almost all non-Noonday pieces and can't wait to see those beautiful smiles!

6. It takes a long time for jeans to dry (see first paragraph). 

7. I am blessed. I am blessed. I am blessed. That is all. 

Jeff has asked me several times what "the point" of all this "7 stuff" was. That's hard to answer, because I think it's different each week. Food Week (in all it's misery!) was about realizing and facing excess for me. Clothes Week (yes, again with the excess!) was more learning to be content with less...with fewer options. Do I really need seven black (almost identical) shirts to choose from?! 

NOTE: I will admit here that I did suffer "bracelet withdraw" after Day 2. Noonday gals, can you feel me on that? #armparty

Clothes Week for me was also about being grateful. Grateful that on most days, if I "want" to go buy a new shirt or new shoes, I can...with very little thought for "Do I 'need' this?" Thank you, Lord, for the blessings. 

And finally, Clothes Week was about wants vs. needs. And that's where I am...learning "need" from "want" in a way that will allow me to stop spending so much time and money on "wants" and hopefully, redirect new shirt/shoes/bag money and energy toward things with more impact. Blah. As a lover of cute clothes, shoes and bags, that was painful to write...and will be even more painful to implement.

Thanks for nothing, Jen Hatmaker. I thought we were friends. 

So, this week is about POSSESSIONS. Nice transition, right? The challenge is to give away 7 things each day. I actually started a little early with last week's clothes week, but I'm making great headway in (finally) cleaning out our garage. Who knows, we might actually get a car in it before the week ends...novel concept, right?

Week 2: Food Week is (ALMOST!) Over...Let's talk Clothes

I'm naive...or maybe just stupid. I did not anticipate how difficult last week would be. It was very "enlightening" (Read: painful!) to say the least. It has really made me rethink my relationship with food. I eat to cope. I eat to celebrate. I eat poorly...period. I drink way too much Dr. Pepper. And I spend way too much on junk that is neither good for me nor makes me feel better...past the few minutes when I'm eating it. 

So after last week, this week doesn't seem that difficult (again, maybe I'm stupid). I'm actually looking forward to it - there will be very little time spent thinking about what to wear and I won't ridiculously stand in my closet lamenting over having "nothing to wear." 

It's fairly simple: Seven articles of clothing for seven days (undies and one set of pjs are a pass.). 

NOTE: Our group has also made exceptions for gym gear, swimwear and family photos thus far...we're a kind group of women, really. 

Here are mine:

1. Dressy black pants 

2. Black skinny jeans

3. Green top

4. Grey V-neck sweater

5. Long-sleeved t-shirt

6. Short-sleeved t-shirt

7. Animal print flats & grey Converse (per Jen's example, these count as 1)

Noticeably absent from my list...my yoga pants. I can do this. I'm going to think of my black skinnies as being like my yoga pants. Yeah, right.

Also noticeably absent is a coat. Wednesday could be difficult. Thank you, Lord, for no soccer games that night and only indoor activities. 

Two additional Clothes Week stipulations (for me):

1.) I will also be getting rid of seven articles of clothing each day. I have not decided where they will go, but I will be bagging up seven things to - at some point - give away

NOTE: If you know of a charity or organization or family that could them, please let me know!

Count them...Yep.
That's 7accessories, folks. 

2.) I'll wear (ONLY!) one accessory per day - each hand-crafted in a different country. While some folks might not think this is a big deal, my fellow Noonday Collection gals will completely understand that this is going to be difficult...possibly more difficult than only wearing seven articles of clothing for seven days, if I'm being honest.

Regardless, the country from which my daily accessory came will be my prayer focus for the day.

So, there it is. Clothes Week. Let's do this...

NOTE: I'm writing this in the waning hours of the (cursed) Food Week. I may be sitting in my kitchen floor at midnight eating cheese cubes, but I did not cave for seven days. Don't judge.

An Ode to Jen Hatmaker

Oh, Jen. I know we could be best friends if we lived closer, but right now, I'm wishing I had never read your book or heard your name!

I read Seven: The Experimental Mutiny Against Excess this summer and it rocked my world. Since diving into it, I have been purging things from my cabinets and closets (and secretly from all the toys my boys just haaaaddd to have) for months. But, friends, this just got real.

I began to talk to two dear friends a week or so ago about "doing" Seven...maybe not to the 30-day extreme that Jen did (I mean, she IS Jen Hatmaker), but at least taking baby steps. We've now grown to a group of six (we really need one more crazy girl to join us to make it a complete seven!)!

So, five of my sweet (Read: craziest) friends have come on board to do this thing with me. We're doing seven days instead of 30 but we're doing it, nonetheless. We have reserved the right to repeat a week, if necessary.

Food is first. We started yesterday. I chose to "give up" seven things while most everyone else chose to only eat seven things. I felt like "giving up" things would be more beneficial for me (from what perspective, I'm not sure. Blah.) since these seven things make up, well, 90% of my daily caloric intake.

It's Day Two of Food Week; if someone came near me with a Dr. Pepper right now, I might attack them. You've been warned.

Here they are:

1. Dr. Pepper
2. Chocolate
3. Cheese
4. Candy
5. Chips
6. Sweet Tea
7. French Fries

(Don't judge. I have serious vegetable issues, people.)

When I told my dear, sweet, and oh-so-supportive husband, he said, "Can you just eat those things?" After receiving "the look," he responded with, "Really? Dr. Pepper? I think you should reconsider this."

So, here I am, almost 48 hours in and here's what I've learned thus far...

1. I drink waaaayyy too much Dr. Pepper...says the girl popping Aleve because her head is pounding.

2. I eat a lot of junk. It's really amazing I'm not fatter than I am.

3. I am resistant to change...especially when it involves cutting cheese out of my life.

4. I am ungrateful and selfish. Seriously. Instead of focusing on the millions of options to stave off my hunger (options my five sweet friends do not have!), I've been focused on what I CAN'T have...this is pretty much the story of my life.

God has poured out blessings upon blessings on me and my family. Yet, I continue to chase after what I can't have...what I WANT that will "make me happy" instead of being grateful and appreciative for what I have already been blessed with.

And herein lies problem. Just like with food, in my life I am constantly wanting more or something different or oftentimes, things I don't need that are - more often than not - bad for me. I have found myself constantly trying to fill any void in my life - the void can only be filled by daily and deliberate time with Him - with junk.

Yeah. This week is going to be big for me. I've already found myself face down in prayer asking for strength not to eat a bag of potato chips several times...and it's just Day Two.

So, my dear friend Jen, you've got me. You've got me started on a path I don't really want to go down, I'll be honest. But I'm here and I've got five amazing friends here with me willing to let God have His way in our lives and with our stuff.

Let's do this...

One month!

In one month, I'll be in Haiti!

When I think about all the things in the pages of my calendar between now and then, I get a little anxious. Who could imagine that a trip to Haiti, one of the most destitute and broken places in the world, would be the light at the end of anyone's tunnel? 

God is revealing Himself in every aspect of this trip as it draws nearer. From the amazing prayer partners who have committed to pray for the team, for my family, and for me to the overwhelming financial contributions I have received to help cover the expenses, God continues to confirm this is His time for my trip and that He is preparing the way for me. 

Last week, I was feeling especially anxious about leaving my sweet boys for the week. Doubts about their well-being, my safety and a million other things began to crowd my mind and take my focus off the purpose of the trip...even began to make me doubt this was the time. I sat down to do my devotion and these were the verses for the day....

9 I took you from the ends of the earth,

from its farthest corners I called you.

I said, 'You are my servant': 

I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:9-10

Wow. Just wow. I had not even stopped to confess my worry and give it to Him yet...and He took it without me asking.

Counting down and praising Him for Haiti...

Lenten Sacrifice

Today is Ash Wednesday. For most of my life, that really meant nothing. I grew up Southern Baptist and the Lenten Season is not something that I really observed. However, since joining the United Methodist Church, I have come to appreciate and actually look forward to Lent. 

I have come to appreciate the process of praying through what I will "give up" for the 40 (46 counting Sundays) days of Lent. I finally felt affirmed in my decision this morning. 

This year, I am giving up Facebook for personal use 

and all fried foods.

While both will be difficult and at times tempting, I feel convicted about the time spent on one and the indulgence of the other. I hope this will truly be a time when I experience spiritual growth. 

This amazing video brings me to tears every time I watch it and puts my Lenten "sacrifice" in perspective. He gave the ultimate sacrifice...

What are some french fries and a social network 

in the face of this?