11 Years...and a Lifetime to Go!

Just because you really
need to see this!

Happy Anniversary to us! 

Today is Jeff and my 11th anniversary -- eleven whole (sometimes pretty long feeling) years. Those who have been married for decades may laugh at my "pride" in this accomplishment, but since 40% of marriages in American end divorce after about 8 years, I'll happily take my 11 (Source: Quora).

Last year for our anniversary, I posted my Top 10 favorite moments of our relationship. It hasn't always been rainbows and unicorns for the Waltons, but we've had some pretty fun times, and I'm confident we're just getting started.

And not to be out-done by last year, here are 11 pieces of advice I wish someone had told me about marriage some 11 years ago. You may have heard some of it before, but like most good advice - it's worth repeating. 

11. No matter how much you plead (or nag), boys are not the "neat" (or sometimes even clean) versions of the human race. I live in a house with three. I rest my case. Moving on. 

One of my favorite pics - EVER.

10. Having children changes everything. And let me say it again - EVERYTHING. From the way you spend your time to your priorities with money to the crazy voices that come out of your body when talking to an infant, children are a game changer. But I can honestly say watching Jeff be "Dad" makes me love him more as a husband. The first time I saw him hold the boys and how that big ol' guy melts at some of the sweet things that come out of those two crazies' mouths - well, I melt. He really is the best dad. 

9. Never say "never." There are so many things I said "I'll never..." or "There's no way..." and it seems as though it's those very things that I end up doing. Click here for Exhibit A with regard to marriage. Drop by and see me and the Reverend in Noxapater, y'all! 

8. Couple friends are important. Surrounding yourself with couples who are similar to you in faith and priorities can be a huge encouragement to your marriage. And Christian couple friends are also great sources of wise counsel when troubles come your way. You're probably not going to find a lot of couples that you both want to hang out with but you make the sacrifice for each other. 

7. You aren't marrying his/her family...but really, you are. I can't tell you how many times I heard people tell those soon-to-be-married folks, "You're not marrying his/her family!" But you are. You will spend holidays and all the other important life events together. And let's face - your spouse is largely who he or she is because of his/her FAMILY. So fight that one all you want, you better be darn sure you can look across that table at your in-laws for the rest of your (or their!) life with a smile on your face. Thankfully, this is a non-issue in our house because BOTH our parents are just perfect!

6. Have a life outside your marriage. While I do dearly love Jeff, I do not want to spend every waking moment with him - and I guarantee you, he'd say the same thing about me. We support each other in ministry and in life, but let's keep it real - I need some girl time. He does not care about my latest dilemma over which shoes to wear with what jeans or which Noonday Collection samples to purchase (although he does typically, and with much patience, weigh in when asked on both of these "issues." Bless.). Get out and make friends apart from one another and be involved in things without each other. It'll give you more to talk about over dinner! 

5. Pray for your spouse daily; you'll probably be surprised who changes. One of the most amazing things about praying for your spouse is that we often selfishly go into it praying for him or her to change...but then God does a miracle in our own hearts and we are often the one changed. I remember in the early days of our marriage, I prayed zealously over all "sins" I thought Jeff needed to get rid of that would undoubtedly make our lives better, right? Then God bought me to my knees one day with Matthew 7:5...

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, 

and then you will clearly see to remove the speck from your brother's eye." 

Ouch. There it is. 

Who knew "Coach" Walton
would one day be "Reverend"
Walton...I certainly didn't. 

4. Marry the person he/she is - not the person you think you can turn him/her into. Don't marry someone you think will eventually one day down the road once in a blue moon become the man/woman of your dreams. Marry the one who makes you laugh and that if you didn't have in your life, well, it just wouldn't be the same. Because some days are really rotten, and all you have is each other to turn to. Thank you, Jeff Walton, for always making me laugh...even sometimes when I don't want to.

3. Don't keep secrets. Not even about those hot new shoes hiding in the back of your closet waiting to make the perfect appearance a few months after they've been purchased when you can innocently say, "Oh, these old things? I've had them forever." Not even...not that I have ever done that. Bless. 

But seriously, this is a BIG one, friends. Secrets eventually come out and then there's even more issues to deal with. Just be honest - even if it's hard. Once trust has been broken, it's so much harder to gain back. Hurt heals faster with honesty.

2. Pick your battles. There are things worth fighting for and standing your ground about -- and then there are some things that you just have to say, "It is what it is!" And rock on, my friends. If I went to battle over ever little thing that bothered me in our marriage, we'd have a bloody mess around here. And I'm sure Jeff would say the same thing about me because well, let's face it - I'm not easy. 

1. Marriage is NOT a fairytale. Period. End of discussion. Roll those credits, Walt Disney. Love is a CHOICE. A moment by moment choice. It's intentional and takes work. I used to laugh at all those "old people" saying marriage was like a garden and you had to "tend to it" each day...and then I got married. You'll get out of your marriage what you put into, sweet friends. It's not easy. It's hard and messy and difficult and sometimes downright ugly - sometimes it's those things more than the sweet, sappy fairytalesque thing we have in our heads when we walk down the aisle dreaming of our happily ever after. But it's worth it. It's worth it to fight through the ugly and the messy to enjoy those fairytale moments when he surprises you with flowers for no reason, writes a lullaby for your boys, gives you the morning to sleep in or the afternoon to get a pedicure... Ok, maybe that doesn't sound "fairytale-ish" to you, but see #10 for context, friends. EVERYTHING.

We look like babies...
 probably because we were.

So, there you have it. I don't know that I'm very wise or have any of the secrets to a successful marriage, but I'm honest (maybe to a fault?) if nothing else. Looking back on our 11 years of bliss, these are a few of the most important things that have helped make it work at the Walton house. We're not perfect. We get angry and sometimes yell and slam doors (Gasp. It's true, people! Even preachers and preacher's wives argue. You're in on the secret. Use it wisely.). 

Regardless of what a particular day or even a particular moment looks like, we love each other. We made a choice to love each other eleven years ago...from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. And we meant it. Even if it's hard to do...we do it. We choose to do it. And I'd choose to do it all over again with this guy! 

Happy 11th Anniversary, Jeff Walton! You continue to amaze me, keep me laughing and somehow find it in your heart to love me well. Thank you...I know it's not easy.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

VBS Story Time partners, June 2014

It's only seems fitting that this be my return-to-blogging (cough, cough) post since my last post was about my Nooniversary...in March. I guess there's just something about anniversaries that seems to make me nostalgic and maybe a bit weepy...ok, most things make me weepy, but try to stay with me. 

It is also not surprising that Jeff is not here to celebrate with me since about 70% of our anniversaries have been spent either with the youth group on their summer trip or apart because he was with the youth on their summer trip. Get home soon, honey! We have some celebratin' to do!

Ten years ago today, I married Jeff Walton for better or for worse in a little hilltop chapel in Gatlinburg. And if I'm being honest, there has been a fair amount of both over the last decade. It's not all rainbows and unicorns here on Walton Mountain, people. When you take two people in their late twenties who are both as stubborn and set in their ways as we were and then put them in a (very) small house together for the first time - as in EVER because our entire dating relationship was long distance - there are bound to be "a few" disagreements.

But Jeff has helped bring about or create some of the most amazing moments of my life. So, today, we'll focus on and celebrate those. In honor of our 10-year anniversary, I give you my... 

TOP 10 FAVORITE MARRIAGE MOMENTS (cue music from "The Waltons") 

10. That time you almost died (Stay with me, people!). That two-hour drive to Tupelo frantically trying to keep up with the ambulance, followed by a week spent quarantined in the hospital together, was truly the first understanding I had of "in sickness and in health." Staph infection is serious, people. I am so thankful to have no worries that when I get old and senile, we'll either be old and senile together or Jeff will be happily wiping drool from my mouth. It's a pretty picture, right?

9. Monday cleaning days (I miss those, by the way!). During an especially hectic time for me at work, Jeff took a few hours every Monday and cleaned our house. It might not sound very romantic to you, but to this tired mama who wanted to come home and enjoy a few hours with her babies, a clean house was the BEST gift he could have been given me. I'm grateful to be married to a man who "gets me" (Don't bring me flowers to set out in the midst of chaos and disorder. Can I get an "Amen!"?).

8. Watching Jeff coach our boys' various sporting adventures. There is something about a man who is willing to coach three-year-old soccer that just gets me. I want to pull my hair out just watching those little munchkins run around aimlessly. I am so grateful for his enthusiastic love for our boys.

7. My one-year anniversary present. Most women have big expectations for that first year. I mean, you have year-old wedding cake to eat so you might as well go big on everything else, right? Me? I got an inflatable swimming pool...and I loved it! We lived in a house without central heat and air, and I was working from home frantically trying to finish my dissertation...nothing better than a little dip in that pool mid-afternoon. My man gives good gifts, ladies. Be jealous.

6. The weekend getaway to Chattanooga (obviously pre-children!). I loved the freedom of that weekend - no agenda, no plans - just spending time together hiking and talking and laughing. That will always be one of my favorite vacations.

5. Hearing my husband preach the Word (even if he did stay up all night waiting on it to be divinely delivered to his brain and transferred to his fingertips). There is something amazing that happens to his heart when he preaches that I love seeing. The sermon he delivered the Sunday after the tornado hit our little community will forever be my favorite and a constant source of encouragement for so many.

4. Experiencing Haiti together. Seeing Jeff love people I have grown to love so dearly made me love him even more deeply. Watching him paint precious little hands for craft activities and sing silly songs with a classroom full of children makes me fall even more deeply in love with him. So thankful to be living on mission with him...

With Eli, January 2010

3. The birth of Eli Benjamin Walton. Oh, sweet Eli! He is truly the child I believe Jeff's parents (ok, and maybe mine!) prayed for when Jeff was a child. Eli challenges us on just about everything and has shown me that Jeff has levels of patience that I didn't know were possible. Love the boy...and love Jeff for his ability to parent him with more patience and grace than I can muster at times.

2. The birth of Riley Ellis Walton. He made Jeff "Dad" first and created for me a million new reasons to love my husband as I watched Jeff care for this precious little life (and me!) in those first few months. Jeff tolerated my crazy first-time mom issues all while doing his best to give me rest and recovery time. Watching Jeff change his first diaper might also be in my Top 10 funniest parenting moments (for another post).
1. Walking down the aisle in that little chapel in Gatlinburg. There was no anxiousness or fear (I was probably just young and naive!) - just an excitement about our future together. I knew I wasn't perfect and neither was he, but I knew we were perfect for each other. Awwww. 

So, there you have it. The ten years of our marital bliss summed up in one fairly concise blog post and a few photos. The late night hosts would be so proud!

Happy Anniversary, Jeffrey Paul Walton! I love you to the moon, around it 57 times and back again. You're still perfect for me (but if we don't get the anniversary trip booked soon, there might not be a 20-year anniversary...just sayin'!) #pickadate #pickalocation

Do you have a Top 10 favorite marriage memories? Would love to hear how long you've been married and some of your favorite memories!