Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I will not panic. I will not panic.

We are one week away from our fundraising deadline. After much prayer and number crunching, we set a goal of $25,000 to off set the salary I gave up when I resigned from the MSU Department of Communication and went on board with HMM in June. 

(I will not panic. I will not panic.) 


We are about $10,000 away from that goal and there are (ONLY!) about seven days left for churches, groups and individuals to respond.

(I will not panic. I will not panic.) 

As I think about the last few months, there have been many opportunities for me to panic and somehow, God has provided the calm just as I felt it would overwhelm me. Satan uses my over-planning, over-scheduling and must-have-control desires to make me doubt this decision...almost daily.

But, I think that's typical when we say "YES!" to something big for God that pulls us out of our routine and comfort zones. Satan knows we long for comfort and uses that desire to lull us to sleep, make us complacent. But God knows He can be gloriously revealed when we obediently follow Him out of our comfort zone and allow Him to stretch and refine us for HIS use. 

(I will not panic. I will not panic.) 

I am being stretched and refined each day. Some days, I admit, being stretched and refined is NOT what I'm interested in...I'd prefer the curled-up-on-the-couch-in-my-pjs-with-a-big-bowl-of-ice-cream kind of comfort. Just being real, people. 

But I'm being challenged to let go of my desire to control things and let Him be revealed in a big way through HMM and through my contributions to this ministry. I am being challenged by all the juggling of having multiple jobs and the exhaustion that accompanies late nights to get everything done. I'm being challenged by the conflict I feel because I want to DO more but know I am already stretched (too!) thin. 

So, whether we meet our goal or not, I'm confident He will provide. He's promised that...

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Therefore, I will not panic. I really will not. Really. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." 
Philippians 4:6-7

And I will not understand the peace He will give when I give these last few days of fundraising to him...

What have you said "YES!" to that's stretched you and made you uncomfortable? 

Watch this amazing story of "YES!" by one of my Noonday sisters and swoon over her precious babies from Ethiopia (Get your tissues!)!


Friday, August 2, 2013

It's all about the Timing

Last Thursday was rough. I finished cleaning out my office in McComas Hall (Read this post if you're not sure why!). While I am obviously excited about these next steps with HMM, I am a creature of habit and comfort (Read: I don't like change!).

As I was getting out of my truck to unload everything at my other office on campus, a friend was returning from lunch and offered to help. He graciously carried in an enormous box that I had way overpacked. I'm incredibly grateful that he arrived at just the right time to carry that stinkin' box (because it would likely still be in the back of my truck had he not), but it was what he said in those few minutes between my truck and the office that was even more perfect. 


He asked how things were going with my new situation and when I launched into my "Oh great, but I still 
have moments of panic when I think 'What have I done?'" spiel, he simply said,
"For whoever wants to to save his life will lose it, 
but whoever loses his life for me, will find it."
Matthew 16:25

Wow. Talk about a smack upside the head to stop the pity party I was headed toward simply because change makes me "uncomfortable." Waah.

It's amazing how God puts people, devotions, signs, social media posts, quotes and a million other signs in front of us to bring us comfort at just the perfect time! I pray daily that I don't get too busy to miss any of those signs - I am afraid I have missed so many throughout the years. Another prayer is that I won't be too busy to BE that sign to someone else.

I pray in all the busyness of DOING, I never miss the opportunity just to BE.

Have you ever been given a "sign" that you knew was meant just for YOU at the perfect time? Would love to hear about it (feel free to share below!)!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Musings from the Mower

Today, I mowed the yard. Don't misunderstand. I'm not bragging or asking for some kind of an award. This happens fairly often. We have a riding mower and a really big yard (Read: "Quiet" time to myself to get lost in my thoughts.).
The view from my porch

(In case you want to enjoy the fruits of my labor, I've included a picture. That's some good looking grass, right?)

So, as I was tooling around the yard this afternoon, God brought to mind the situation that led us to this house. It was messy and painful; I thought Jeff and I were both going to lose our minds. Our house sold unexpectedly (Read: Not on the market, showed it on a whim, moved out a month later) and we thought we had a place to rent. That place fell through three weeks before our closing date. In Louisville, Miss., rental property (that's not sketchy!) is scarce anyway and now we were really scrambling. I won't go through all the crazy details of the other three things that were "lined up" and fell through (at least not in this post) but we finally had a solution...10 days before closing. 

Our things were scattered all over Winston County in long-term storage, short-term storage, temporary rental (five to six weeks, we hoped) and at our soon-to-be home. Now, I should probably also add the context that Jeff was in his first semester of seminary, and I was in the promotion and tenure process at Mississippi State to keep my job. Let's just say, tension was running high around the Walton house.

I remember so many moments of frustration wondering how God could possibly make this mess "right." How could He possibly make good on His promise to provide for "all my needs" (Philippians 4:19) when I was having trouble getting dressed in the morning or cooking a meal because I couldn't find ANYTHING?!

But here I sit. On my front porch writing this post. Our rental house is now "home" and God has more than met our needs. Our home is a little larger with a much larger yard (Read: Lots of space for two energetic little boys) and we pay less in rent than we did for our mortgage. The family we are renting from is an amazing Christian family and our rent helps cover the costs of caring for their aging mother (Also a preacher's wife - shout out to my sister!). While I couldn't see this ending eight months ago when I was digging through a several dozen boxes in the middle of the night trying to find a bundt pan because I wanted to make a blessed cake (Grrr, stupid stress cravings!), I see it now

I see how the other rental situation would have been a train wreck for us. I see how we are now in a situation that allows us to move at anytime without worry about selling a house or breaking a lease agreement. I see that our boys love having a yard and a pasture to romp around in without the fears of neighborhood living. And I see how the situation has been able to move us toward a position to make other decisions (see previous post) with less fear about the financial implications. 

Sometimes we have to let go of the reigns so God can rain down His blessings...in His time...and in His way. I'm learning. Slowly, but surely. 

So, there you have it - my musings from the mower. Amazing what a few spins around the yard on a riding mower can do for the soul. Now, I should go clean my house.
Our home

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I've lost it...26.2?

The whole taking-a-break-from-training thing has not lasted as long as I had hoped. Somewhere in my crazy head (I think it was actually around mile 4 of my 6-mile run today!), I decided I want to (try to) run a full marathon...this year (What? Are my eyes reading correctly what my fingers just typed? Who hijacked my blog?).

When I started running last year, the full 26.2 was a bucket list kind of thing. You know - when the boys got a little older...after the Promotion & Tenure process was complete...when I had more time to train, really. But now, I think I want to go for it...and in 2011.

I had planned to run St. Jude's 1/2 again in December, but I'm thinking I may just go ahead and register for the full marathon. It's a great race, amazing atmosphere, great course, far from home so no one will read the police report or see the news where I had to be transported to the hospital...you know, all the great race pre-requisites for your first marathon. And if I think I can't make it the full distance, I can always turn off at the 13.1 mark and no harm done. Well, other than feeling like a complete failure, I'm sure.

Anyway. I'm putting it out there for all the world to read and comment on. I have no aspirations of qualifying for Boston with my time; I just want to finish...upright.

Marathoners - is this really possible? Have I totally lost it thinking I have time to train for this? 

Oh, dear...

Thursday, March 3, 2011

When Waiting Turns to Worry

** WARNING **  This post has nothing to do with running!

Sunday night, I shared with our youth group some things that were on my heart that I have been struggling with. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to constant worry and here's the short version of what I shared. I hope it helps you find a place to "put" your worry....


Ever feel like you’re always waiting? I DO! I am so impatient and feel like there’s always something – or someone – I’m always waiting on.

When I was a child, it was birthdays, Christmas, summer break or maybe family vacations.

As a teen, it was driving, dating, proms and then graduation.

In college, it was Christmas/spring/summer break, graduation and, really, marriage.

As an adult, it was starting a family, vacations or even the daily wait of 5 o’clock when I can get home to my family.

And now, as a mom, I spend a lot of time waiting – first, I was waiting on the boys to arrive, then their first words, their first steps, their first whatever.

When you really think about it - I’ve probably spent the greatest part of my life “WAITING” on something – or someone. But I don't wait very patiently. In fact, I’m often very impatient. I want answers and results and oftentimes what starts out as rather innocent WAITING turns into WORRY.

And while “waiting” is probably ok. Worry is not. Let me repeat that – waiting is probably ok. But when our waiting turns to worry, we’ve got problems. God very clearly tells us throughout His word NOT to worry. Not because our problems are trivial or not important, but because He has our back, so to speak.

Let’s look at some scripture on this:

Read Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
   28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

So, there’s no denying this. Right? God clearly says NOT to worry. And when we worry, we’re essentially saying, “God, my problems are too big for you.” Or maybe you think, “God, I don’t want to bother you with my little problems. You’ve got bigger issues at hand.” Or worse yet, “God, I don’t need you to handle MY problems – I’ve got this.”

Let’s stop for just a second and watch this video to get a better perspective on how distorted this view of our worry actually is.


Wow! The God of universes yet unseen tells ME not to worry? The God who designed galaxies with hundreds of billions of stars knows how many hairs – even the gray ones – are on MY head?

The thought may seem preposterous but it’s so true. God LONGS for a relationship with us. He longs for us to bring our problems to Him. He longs to share in our joys and victories. And it is in this relationship that we can be freed from worry.

Some may not truly understand this idea of longing - from God’s perspective - until having own your children. I didn’t. But now, at the end of the day, there is nothing I want more than to wrap my arms around my boys and hear about their days - to laugh with them and spend time with them. And there is nothing else that will satisfy that longing. Spending time with someone else’s kids is not going to get it done. I want my boys and only my boys.

And this is what God wants from us – our time. He longs to spend time with each and every one of us – because we are His children. And when we give it to Him, our worries will begin to disappear. He will comfort us. He will guide us. He will make clear our path. He will love us unconditionally. He will rejoice in the victories of our days. If He can do that - what do we have to worry about?

Henry Blackaby, the author of the “Experience God” study once wrote,  “If we walk with Him closely today, we will be the center of His will tomorrow.”

How incredible is THAT thought? That a God so immense wants ME at the center of HIS will.

So, when we’re feeling anxious about things and it begins to turn to worry, we should take it to Him and GIVE it to Him. Don’t take it to Him and continue to carry it around and stress and worry. Leave it as His feet.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says “Pray continuously.” As our preachers said this morning, we should seek continual and unbroken conversation with God. And as you know, conversation requires both talking AND listening.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” These are eight powerful words – especially in today’s society. Some of you have had a hard time being still and staying focused during this brief devotion. But this is actually the key to letting go of our worry. GIVE the worry to Him….

and then let Him be God.